help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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