She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
