remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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