How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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