I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
