we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
