I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
