Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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