I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
