chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
