my mouth tastes like poor choices
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
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the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
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Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
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