Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
