Who did Billy Mays play for?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
