Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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