and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
