just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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