Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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