im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
