Fine. I'll sleep in my office
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
