We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
