my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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