The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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