he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Farmville is her only friend.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
this is an emotional support booty call
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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