Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I AM VODKA MAN
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
