I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
