There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
jump out the window naked night went bad
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
