me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
