I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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