I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
