I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
