I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
