Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
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she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
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Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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