I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
don't judge my taste in strippers
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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