addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
