Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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