So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
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It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
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I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
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