Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
