john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
