nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
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