Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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