I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
