I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
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