Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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