I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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