after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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