wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
