Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
If that was your dad, he is hot
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
