ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
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I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
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YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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