??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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