True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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