Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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