There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
