She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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