I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
