why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
