Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
