mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
