I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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