Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
MIDGETS
????
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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