NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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