I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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