I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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