I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
