You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
